....

It's been a while... almost too long... why I'm coming back here is because I don't know what to do with myself.. I've never fel this way before.. the stress is just piling up and I don't know if I can endure it.. I wonder if I can go on therapy for this.. because I'm going crazy.. is this a form of stress or depression? Can it be cured?

I've always tried to show people the best side of me.. if someone ask me if  I'm doing ok.. of course my answer is YES.. but inside it's really not... I feel like I'm not allowed to feel sorry for myself because there are people who has it worse.. What kind of role model would I be to my sister or the ones who look up to me if I couldn't keep my head straight, be strong and work hard..

I've never been a selfish person.. I would rather be hurt than hurt someone else.. I feel like I can accept and endure the pain I'm given more than give pain to others I care for..

I've heard that I'm a lucky girl, that I can have anything anyone could ask for and it seems like everything goes easy for me.. but they don't consider how much I've been through to come this far.. How hard I've been working for days, weeks, months and years.. Working nonstop 11h a day.. literally nonstop.. has taking it's toll on me.... Just give me a break!!!

All this paperwork and studies on the side really raises my heart and I can't relax.. I kinda understand why people committ suicide when they have everything anyone could ask for.. not that I would ever do that to myself lol.. but it's the relieving feeling to just let everything go and have no worries no more.. Just to be set free...

Christmas

Christmas for me has never been about Santa Claus or receiving gifts.. To me it's only been about family, caring and sharing..

When I was a kid my mom did everything she could to bring me and my sisters happiness. I felt like I had everything in the world even though it were only us.. She would always give so much to other in need. But always managed to surprise me with something.

Laying in bed and using my phone writing this post.. my tears are falling and I can't stop..but I don't want it to stop.. Because having feelings and being vulnerable is part of being human.

.. and what makes me not giving up is that I keep reminding myself I'm working hard not for myself but for them..

Now I could give up anything to just have that moment again..

Always appreciate the small things in life because those are the things that becomes big memories later on..

My day off

The time flies by so fast. I'm trying to catch up.. Only 2 weeks left until Christmas.. Cleaning my crime-scene-to-room.. Been changing my oil this morning at the Honda dealer ship.. Still have a lot to do..

Where did the time go?

 

Sunday was Miley's bday.. tried taking pics of them.. but I got tired chasing.. it's either me that's getting too old.. or they are just too energetic lol.. they moved too fast for me.. Love them too death!

Thursday

Today was long.. 1 more day and off to ATL.. just having a happy moment filled with excitement right now. Found a cute dress and matching shoes that I can wear to the concert.. Hope I fit in since everybody probably gonna look gorgeous! It's gonna be cold too.. so hope I won't freeze to death lol.

 

original pictures from phone lol.

getting cozy with noodles and watching my korean drama.. Noodles is my best friend right now.. so good when the weather is cold =)

 

original iphone picture.

 

Last night after work I went to my uncle's place to have dinner. It was my cousin Myki's birthday. I just love them so sooo much.. My heart is filled with joy everytime I see them.

I think I made them love Hello Kitty.. Because now they are all about HK.. everytime they see HK they scream KITTY!

kiss :*

Sweet dreams!

Make me dream of the F4 from boys over flowers.. and take me to the island Goo Jon Pyo took Jan Di to.. Night!

Faith

Hihi currently watching Faith.. Love listening to the soundtracks before I fall asleep..

Love is such a beautiful thing.. If you experienced it before.. You would always want to have that feeling.. If you think you found the right one, someone you can't live without.. Think twice before messing up.. Don't do anything you'll regret for your whole lifetime. Mistakes can't be undone, neither erased.. You can only learn from it and move on.

Happy Tuesday!

Today is my day off.. So excited to not be at work! It's been a busy week for me.. 4 more days and I'm heading off to Atlanta. Just feeling so excited =)).. Can't wait until Thanksgiving cause my sister is coming to visit!! I have so much to be thankful for..

Need to run some errands.. Visit my lawyer, have lunch, cleaning, buy supplies, and study! lol.. Haven't studied in forever.

 Throwing in some ego-pics.. Don't be suprised if you only find pictures of me in my blog.. I'm mostly surrounded by work and myself. I was trying out my Nikon ML-L3 remote control for my camera. And I totally recommend remote controls for DSLR cameras!! Makes it so much easier to take even more pictures of yourself lol ;)