....

It's been a while... almost too long... why I'm coming back here is because I don't know what to do with myself.. I've never fel this way before.. the stress is just piling up and I don't know if I can endure it.. I wonder if I can go on therapy for this.. because I'm going crazy.. is this a form of stress or depression? Can it be cured?

I've always tried to show people the best side of me.. if someone ask me if  I'm doing ok.. of course my answer is YES.. but inside it's really not... I feel like I'm not allowed to feel sorry for myself because there are people who has it worse.. What kind of role model would I be to my sister or the ones who look up to me if I couldn't keep my head straight, be strong and work hard..

I've never been a selfish person.. I would rather be hurt than hurt someone else.. I feel like I can accept and endure the pain I'm given more than give pain to others I care for..

I've heard that I'm a lucky girl, that I can have anything anyone could ask for and it seems like everything goes easy for me.. but they don't consider how much I've been through to come this far.. How hard I've been working for days, weeks, months and years.. Working nonstop 11h a day.. literally nonstop.. has taking it's toll on me.... Just give me a break!!!

All this paperwork and studies on the side really raises my heart and I can't relax.. I kinda understand why people committ suicide when they have everything anyone could ask for.. not that I would ever do that to myself lol.. but it's the relieving feeling to just let everything go and have no worries no more.. Just to be set free...